Ice and celebrities clearly don’t mix. ‘Dancing On Ice’ managed to fuck up Vanilla Ice (knocked unconscious), Jennifer Ellison (sliced head open), Michael Underwood (broken ankle), Chesney Hawkes (ankle) and Keith Chegwin (fractured 3 ribs & shoulder). Now ‘The Jump’ is trying it’s best to kill off Beth Tweddle (fractured vertebrae), Rebecca Adlington (shoulder), Tina Hobley (dislocated elbow and fractured arm), Lousia Lytton (bruising); and that’s just in practice, not to mention all the other victims from previous series.
I understand that Heather Mills is scheduled to replace Adlington. That’s a step in the right direction as she has 50% less legs to break, so the insurance will be cheaper.
Reality TV has been a sucking leech on the tissue of critical thinking for far too long now. Even my uber intelligent sister has a penchant for ‘Take Me Out’. Why are we collecting a bunch of complete amateurs and giving them something to learn in 4 weeks that it takes professional athletes decades to master? What next? From the same channel that brought you Rebecca Loos wanking a pig, Channel 5 presents to you ‘The Surgery’ : 16 former Brookside and Eldorado actors perform life-saving heart surgery at a real hospital. Their knife skills are judged, points are deducted for each time the Heart Rate Monitor flatlines, and you can vote for who you think looks the best in their scrubs. The winner will get to donate their own organs to charity.
Instead of maiming Z-list soap actresses etc. can we not just round up all the Big Brother contestants and chuck them down slippy mountains? Or if you insist on making another series next year, can we please see the following try the luge without a helmet ;- James Corden, Amanda Holden, Katie Price and Miley Cyrus.