NO CONTINUES

I can’t watch them cry
For one more yesterday
They will find out why
Why I couldn’t stay
Rain falls to tell you
Tears in heaven dry
Screened behind the sun
Sits the last goodbye when
Paper covers rock
With words long overdue for
All that can’t be known
Can never be held true
So run into your home
And sell your faith to me
Slip it under time
To last eternally
I can’t hear them cry
It’s too obscene to dwell
The dying earth will tell them
There are no tears in hell
And what is it they seek
To dress naked conceit
Fingers crossing tight
A holy ghost appears
To scare away the night
And chase away their fears

NAUGHTY BUT NICE?

Have you noticed how everything fun and enjoyable also has a darker edge to it? The things you most like to do can end up killing you, strengthening my belief that we as a species aren’t really meant to be here. Take sex for example. That’s fun but wait, what’s that? STD’s and HIV? Herpes and unwanted pregnancies…RAPE?! Why ruin it?

Smoking…that’s pretty cool, except for the toxic, poisonous, cancerous chemicals, the yellow teeth, the receding gums, the aging skin etc. Wait, I shouldn’t do that either?

Okay then, what about takeaways?…no cooking, no washing up, exciting menu choices…oh that’s bad for me too? High cholesterol, fatty liver, high blood pressure, obesity, heart disease…that doesn’t sound like a good menu.

Ah wait, I’ve thought of something that is fun and enjoyable and good for you…Love? You can’t find anything wrong with love. Yes I can. Unrequited love, loss, bereavement, heartbreak, adultery. Oh shit, that’s not fair…you see the negative in everything; my glass is half full. Yeah but it can never be full though can it?! I see the negatives because they are right there staring you in the face. What’s that cliche? Everything in moderation…well fuck moderation, what does it earn you? There’s no prizes for dying old and no prizes for dying young. Unlearn everything you’ve ever been taught because it’s all bullshit, we are animals, we are primates, square pegs shoehorned into a round hole of centuries of civilization…and it isn’t natural…that’s why we dream of and invent gods and monsters, we burn witches, we gas Jews, we behead each other, we bomb each other….so you see, religion isn’t even a force for good.

You think zoos are cruel? We’re the ones in a bloody zoo…we’re the ones imprisoned in a cage far from our natural habitat. We have lost our one true gift, the power of consciousness. We’re born free and live the rest of our lives as dystopian wolves in sheep’s clothing. You think you have real choice, you think you have any power at all? You don’t. All of this is a roulette, lottery clusterfuck. There’s one destination; no reward, no judgement day, no meaning to it…sensible will take you to the grave, anarchy will take you to the grave, exercise will take you to the grave; so what you gonna do? Hide away from it all? Never take risk again? What is stopping you from living your life without these shackles and embracing the full experience of this world, warts and all?

Me.

LENT

Lent. I’m fed up of it already and it’s only day two. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not finding giving something up painful and unbearable, I mean I’m fed up of hearing about it and listening to people whinge. The majority of people completely miss the point of ‘lent’. You’re supposed to give up something that you regret or feel sorry about if you are religious, and the non-religious give up something they previously thought they couldn’t, so it becomes a challenge. It’s not there so you can give up something you dislike / can give up / want to give up. The irony is most people round here could do with taking ‘lent’ literally and actually do 40 days of fasting

My Mum has two vices in life; tea and chocolate. She depends on both of them to survive on a daily basis and I never thought she would be able to give up either. She is not religious as such, but she is ‘god-fearing’ if that makes sense. Basically she believes that being good will be rewarded in some way, eventually, somehow. I was really proud of her a couple of years back because she actually managed to give up tea for 40days, surviving on coffee and fruit teas. But then I thought, “Does it count?” Coffee has caffeine in it and herbal teas have the word ‘tea’ in them. That is the equivalent of me giving up smoking but getting by on a pipe and electronic cigarettes.

Lent is a religious practice for Christian denominations to give up something as a form of penitence. Penitence means feeling sorry, regretful and ‘bad’ for a particular behaviour. Whether you give up chocolate or meat or booze for 40 days, none of you actually feel bad about your chosen ‘sin’. Know why? What’s the first thing you’re gonna do on day 41? Yep, that’s right, stuff your faces with chocolate or meat or booze. And as a special bonus, at the end of lent is Easter, so you can stuff yourself silly with more chocolate or meat or booze. Then wash it down with several Easter Eggs and 18 hot cross buns. Anyway, which type of loving god wants to judge you and enjoys making you feel like shit and suffer? Oh, don’t forget to chuck in a few xbox games and iPads for those children who expect more than just chocolate. ‘Gluttony Central’.

I have a suggestion; how about the world gives up religion for 40 days instead? Think about it. No more prayer, no more beheadings or ISIS videos, no more kiddy fucking or religious bigotry and persecution. No more suicide bombings, religious hatred or killing of British Troops. No more slavery, brainwashing or tax avoidance. Wouldn’t that be better than chocolate or meat or booze?

And as for those people who are doing it, whether for religious reasons or just to test their willpower, I have some advice:- KEEP IT TO YOURSELF – just ‘you’, ‘yourself’ and not ‘I’. Pat yourself on the back afterwards quietly too. I am not going to be impressed by any abstinence for an antiquated, fictional, religious observance that covers just 6 weeks. Six weeks is nothing anyway. I haven’t had spaghetti bolognese for over 6 weeks; doesn’t mean that I’ve got greater willpower than you.

My conversation with a creationist. Humans move in mysterious ways.

“Okay, let me see if I understand you correctly. You believe that an invisible, unconfirmed higher power exists, called God, and he created us and the following ;-

cancer, aids, aneurysms, pneumonia, emphysema, meningitis, ebola, dementia, migraines, blood poisoning, STI’s, appendicitis, arthritis, blindness, deafness, heart disease, heart attacks, cardiac arrest, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, disease, paralysis, body dysmorphia, IBS, crohn’s disease, mental illness, tourettes, schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, germs, flu, malaria, famine, malnutrition, depression, hay fever, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, miscarriages, still births, cot deaths, abortions, toothache, dentists, ulcers, acne, eating disorders, warts, verrucas, kidney stones, impotence, incontinence, disfigurement, cleft palate, downs syndrome, amputation, disability, broken hearts, broken bones, anxiety, suicide, capital punishment, executions, beheadings, ethnic cleansing, Nazi’s, eugenics, terrorism, murder, rape, arson, burglary, robbery, violence, kidnap, serial killers, spree killers, extortion, vandalism, hooliganism, torture, terrorists, bombs, death, destruction, drownings, floods, tsunamis, earthquakes, prejudice, racism, sexism, ageism, inequality, discrimination, selfishness, injustice, jealousy, slavery, guns, wars, knives, child abusers, drug abusers, prostitution, persecution, psychopaths, sociopaths, dictators, bullying, brainwashing, the holocaust, 9/11, domestic violence, honour killings, oppression, religion, redundancy, rejection, unemployment, materialism, bankruptcy, speech impediments, bigotry, greed, corruption, bribery, fraud, obesity, Mondays, bills, exams, car accidents, plane crashes, animal cruelty, children dying, pain, loss, guilt, boredom, hatred, apathy, tragedy, winter, homelessness, nepotism, debt, disappointment, infidelity, poverty, liars, foot and mouth disease, accidents, penalty shootouts and Piers Morgan…….. and he LOVES us???”

This isn’t the work of a higher power, this is the work of mankind.